My name is Alex, and I promise I don’t talk like that! Usually. I work with Photoshop and Website stuff every day of my life, even when I’m not working. Sometimes, people ask me to make them things in Photoshop, so I go and make them something in Photoshop. Like this one time, my friend asked me to make her something in Photoshop, so I made her something in Photoshop. It was cool.

That’s cool, that means you might consider being my friend! This one time, this person started talking to me. They said “Hey buddy, what time is it?” and they looked like they were in a hurry. I promptly looked at my phone and saw I had a text message. I read it, as it was from my mother, checking to make sure I was still alive because I don’t live with her so she always asks if I’m alive. I put my phone back in my pocket and realized I didn’t actually look at the time. I pulled my phone out again and told the person “Quarter after eight.” because it was 8:15.

He obviously wanted to be my friend but was so intimidated by my awesomeness he ran around the corner and started screaming at the bus which he had just missed, probably because he stopped to try and be my friend.

If you do want to be my friend, you can click “here“. This is where I like to make friends and stuff. I have yet to find the book with faces though.

That was a test. I tried to scare you away, but you obviously want to know what I do.
I build websites for people under my companies alias “thirdRiver Marketing, LLC” from 9-5, Monday through Friday. Many times after that I work for people who can’t afford to go there. The benefits of going through the company are innumerable, like I can actually work on your site or graphics 8 hours a day. We can also get you phenomenal search engine results. We’ve gotten people from un-ranked completely, to page 2 on Google in 30 days. We then got them to page 1 in about another week. I can also get your project done in 2 weeks or less based on what it is, and if you aren’t lazy and actually get me the stuff I need to you to get me.

If you go through me myself, my turn around time is MUCH longer, because your project now cuts into my free time, and I like to play with my dog and intimidate people with my awesomeness in my free time. I also can’t provide the results I can through my company, due to moral reasons.

you can contact me for prices and stuff, but I do urge you come through the company I work for.

I’m running out of things to post so I will ramble. As you can tell, I also didn’t have a clever title for this one.

If you want me to do some work for you, I can handle a myriad of different things. I’m not sure I used myriad in the right context, but I don’t care to look it up, and wanted to use it.

I can Photoshop pretty pictures for you. You can then use those as something like Business Cards, Flyers, Website Backgrounds, Social Media Avatars, Billboards, Business Logos, and more.
I will use Adobe Photoshop, illustrator, After Effects, Premiere Pro, and InDesign based on the project at hand. 9/10 times I use the right one for the job too!

I also build websites. I prefer to use WordPress, but I can use it like a regular HTML based site for the most part too if you wish. This one is built on WordPress, believe it or not.

I didn’t pay much attention in school, but I DO recall them saying to add like a… summary kind of thing at the end of things that you type, and often hand in and get a B+ grade or a smiley face on.

I work for thirdRiver Marketing as the lead web developer and graphic designer.

I also do freelance graphic and web work on the side, though I urge you to go through my company, you’ll be much happier in the end.

I love my Jeep. I didn’t mention it, but it is sexy. You can be friends with my Jeep “here“.

I love my dog. Her name is Willow and I rescued her from an abusive situation.
Isn’t she cute? She’s cuter than you, which is why I don’t want to be your friend. Just kidding. If you don’t laugh at that, then you aren’t worth being my friend, because at some point you will be insulted with what I say, like forwarding a cartoon picture of a fetus wearing headphones and a caption “Stillborn to Rock”.